May 07, 2025

Letter from Svig Andersson

Dear Drivel Inc,

I hope this finds you well.

I need advice on the best way to cut my toenails, if and when I find myself stranded on a deserted island somewhere in the Pacific ocean.

Regards,

Svig

_________________________________________________________________

Reply from Drivel Inc.

Dear Svig,
Thank you for reaching out to Drivel Inc with this uniquely pressing concern. We pride ourselves on offering advice for life’s most unusual predicaments, and yours is no exception.
Should you find yourself stranded on a deserted island somewhere in the Pacific, toenail maintenance will indeed become a critical factor—both for hygiene and morale. While traditional clippers may be unavailable, consider the following innovative solutions:
– The Coconut Clip: Locate two sturdy coconut shells, press your toenail between them, and apply a decisive twist. Bonus points if you invent a toe-only coconut cracking technique in the process.
– The Rock File: Find a smooth yet coarse rock and gently sand your nails to a respectable length. Warning: excessive enthusiasm may result in unwanted pedicures.
– The Crab Cutter: If local wildlife is cooperative, recruit a crab and use its claws as nature’s own manicure set. Proceed with caution—crab negotiation tactics are still in development.
– The Shark Strategy: In dire circumstances, dip a toe into shallow waters and see if nature provides an organic trimming service. We do not recommend this approach.
Rest assured, we take every inquiry seriously, no matter how unexpected. If you require additional survival-based grooming advice, we are happy to assist.
Best regards,
Drivel Inc.

May 07, 2025

Letter from Bertie Johnson to Giselda McAdams – Psychic Advisor

Dear Giselda,

It was truly a pleasure meeting you last week and receiving an updated reading. I must say, your insights were both intriguing and, well… unexpected!

Your revelations concerning the secret life of my pet terrapin, Tuttle were shocking. I had no idea that Tuttle was responsible for the missing batch of rhubarb tartlets that disappeared from the window sill last Thursday. I naturally assumed that useless idiot Phil ‘The Dill’ Nicholson who lives next door had stolen them, as usual. I even gave him a rap over the knuckles with my oyster shucker for his trouble.

Speaking of unexpected, let’s talk about those lotto numbers you gave me. I eagerly tuned in to watch the draw, ready to bask in my newfound fortune, only to watch those numbers not not come up in the Australian Lotto. Imagine my shock at having to return to work the next day, penniless as always.

Also, I have to ask—have your prices always been this steep, or did you recently get hit by some kind of cosmic tax audit? Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the work you do, but at this rate, I may have to ration out my visits to monthly rather than daily.

That said, I did enjoy our session, and despite the slightly misaligned lotto results, I’m still keen to know what the future holds for my coat hanger recycling business, among other things.

Looking forward to hearing back from you!

Best,
Bertie

________________________________________________________________

Giselda’s Reply

Dear Bertie,

It was a pleasure meeting you as well! I always enjoy sharing my lucid insights, even if the universe decides to be unpredictable.

You’d better get in here again soon as your coat hanger recycling business may be in peril. If you act quickly, we may be able to save it.

As for your lotto numbers—funny thing, they did come up! Just not in Australia. Turns out, your winning streak happened in the Belgian lottery. I suppose this means destiny either has a twisted sense of humour or is strongly encouraging you to move abroad. Either way, I’ll take partial credit for that one.

Now, about my prices—I see you noticed my cosmic inflation policy. Unfortunately, even the spirit world isn’t immune to rising costs. Do you know how expensive incense is these days? And don’t even get me started on tarot card maintenance fees. If you think my prices are steep, wait until the astral realm starts charging tolls.

I appreciate your feedback, and I promise I am doing my best to provide the clearest guidance possible. If you ever need another reading—perhaps something beyond numbers—I’d be more than happy to assist!

Warm regards, Giselda